Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Is he strong? Listen Bud, He's Got Radioactive... WHAT!?

Getting the story from Redhead Fangirl’s blog, Evidently Spider-Man’s baby batter is radioactive… Huh… …not only that, it gives Mary Jane cancer and kills her! Blagha...! I think I just failed my sanity roll. This is not a joke this is an actual storyline from Marvel in Spider-Man: Reign #3. Who in their right mind at Marvel Comics ever thought this was a good idea. Is Joe Quesada on crack…?! I feel, now more than ever, that the opinions I expressed about Marvel in a recent post are justified. Justified beyond what I could have ever conceived of. Here’s a quote, provided by galleycat, from the comic:

“The doctors didn't understand how it happened! How you had been poisoned by radioactivity! How your body slowly became riddled with cancer! I did. I was... I am filled with radioactive blood. And not just blood. Every fluid. Touching me... loving me... Loving me killed you!”


No more BJs from MJ… right Marvel. But you see, Spider-Man: Reign is set 35 years into Spider-Man's dark future, Manhattan is a police state, masks are illegal and blah blah blah… who cares. Marvel’s ‘creators’ certainly don’t. I could go on with my rant and rave but I think what Bahama'at said on this thread at rpg.net sums it up nicely:

”I am increasingly of the mind that the "business plan" for Marvel looks like a 35 year old man sitting in child's sandbox, making mud pies out of his own diarrheic feces while screaming "look at me! look at me! look at me!" with a look of desperation and hubris in his eyes.”


Superheroes giving their wives cancer from radioactive jisim is horrible storytelling and it shows only contempt by the current team for Spidey and his fans. You’d think that the folks at Marvel, whose jobs depend on Spider-Man remaining a viable property, would have said no to this one, but alas they did not. Well, I’m saying no. Good-bye Marvel. See ya again when you have folks who work there that actually give a rat’s ass about the Marvel Universe… but wait; I’ve almost totally abandoned Marvel already anyway. There’s nothing left for me to quit… except for… She-Hulk. Gah!

Well, OK maybe I’ll still get She-Hulk. It’s the last Marvel title that I’ll still buy, but if she starts killing her lovers with Gamma queffs I’m gone for good. Hey, maybe Spider-Man should have been boinking She-Hulk. She’s already radioactive.

“I wish I knew how to quit you Shulkie!”
-Swinebread

9 comments:

Selba said...

Hahaha... It never crossed my mind that superheroes are passing radioactive!

Overdroid said...

Hey! But it's the Marvel universe! Shouldn't his radspooj have given her the single-mindedness and tail thrashing strength of the male gamete? She should have become Spermgirl, or spoojmaiden, or Jissy Jane, or some sutch. Radioactivity gives you super powers in the Marvel Universe.

JOHNNY ZITO said...

Remember ladies, when you sleep with a guy you're sleeping with every radioactive spider that's ever bitten him.

Dean Wormer said...

If I had a dollar for every girl that said she would of slept with me but she was afraid my man-juice was radioactive...

Hypatia said...

I think Overdroid's hit the mark! Marvel's missed out by not having MJ become the next sex-laden superheroine!

Hey, now I have to go make a comment on She-Hulk's post below. I've been informed by "the powers that be" I will be severely whipped with wet noodles if not..

Don Snabulus said...

If his chode was that radioactive, it probably wasn't safe even to be around the guy. Besides, ligers are much cooler.

Marvel is totally unrealistic. God! Idiots!

Pandabonium said...

Wait honey, let me put on my lead prophylactic first...

Swinebread said...

selba It never crossed my mind either but thanks to Marvel Comics it sure does now!

overdroid Yeah I was thinking the same thing. Spidey has a superpowered daughter in another reality called Spider-Girl, so that’s the way it should work.

johnny zito *shudder*

dean wormer Man-Juice, Radioactive, and Spider-Man: which one of these things doesn’t fit… aragh.

hypatia Comics have this weird thing about killing women off and torturing them in the last few years, its sick. Of course it’s supposed to be in an alternate future but it will still be part of Spidey’s lore from now on.

snab Exactly, if you accept the premise then Spidey would have killed off anybody he knew.

panada It leads to all kinda’ of thoughts doesn’t it…

She-Hulk's Bitch said...

I'd stay with She-Hulk no matter what!