I was thinking about that Shadow over Innsmouth movie, titled Cthulhu mentioned in a post by snabulus a while ago, well I finally put 2 and 2 together. You see, I have always thought that Tori Spelling had a fish face, not that there is anything wrong with that. I’m huge fan of sushi mind you. But remember the jolly Dagon worshipers of Innsmouth have been boinking the original creatures of the black lagoon for generations. These horrific unions produce inbred children that look human at first, but slowly transform into grotesque fish folk over time. Brings new meaning to fish lover doesn’t it.
Now I wouldn’t want to cast aspersions on Tori’s genetic background or family traditions, she’s as rich as a Marsh so she’ll get over it. But I realized that having her in this film is a masterstroke. Her large unblinking eyes, her extended soggy lips, call you to worship great Cthulhu and his little buddy Dagon without saying a word at all. Sends shivers down your spine, doesn’t it? Although, I’m sure Tori is the nicest deepone hybrid you’ll ever meet. Now, if I could just locate that debauched spot off the coast of California where these Hollywood elites are copulating with humanoids from the deep that fancy TV royalty.
I probably won’t get around to seeing this film as I have better things to do like pull out my chest hair with clamshells but if you want to see the trailer her it is:
Hail Dagon... Hail Tori
-Swinebread
thanks to chaosium, the superficial and flynet
