Of Ancient Rome and Spaceships

As this week and month wraps up I was struck by the timing of both Battlestar Galatica and Rome finishing up their seasons on the same day and the same time, that being ten o’clock on Sunday. Of course I couldn’t watch both at the same time so I caught BSG on-demand the next day. I’ve been trying to come up with some angle to compare and contrast these two shows but nothing really occurred me.

Rome is a historical drama set during the turbulent years when the Roman Republic was transformed into the Roman Empire. All your favorite figures are there, like Ceasar (season one), Octavian, Brutus, Cleopatra, and Antony. It’s highly detailed and has several fictional characters that help flesh out the time period. Folks with no familiarity with things Roman might get a little lost with the huge historical scope but the deadly politics and family secrets are sure to please. If you like costume dramas, politics, sex and family shenanigans, you’ll like Rome. The show presents a realistic environment and helps shed light on what life may have been like for the people of that time and place, but some historical inconsistencies will jump out. If you know your history there are no real surprises as to the fate of the major characters however the fictional characters like Titus Pullo and Lucius Vorenus leave some room for discovery. Rome is really a two season mini-series as that was all that was ever planed for. I genuinely like that show but I could have had a little more combat, and there was a little too much British slang for my tastes. Hearing a Roman say “bollix” kinda’ pulls you out of the program if you know what I mean.
Battlestar Galactica did what it does best during its 3rd season finale, meaning: it gives you a huge cliffhanger and you want more (not moore Yuk Yuk). As the ratings have tanked, Scifi must have decided to throw out some major plot twisters. I don’t want to ruin it for anybody but I will say that the final episode for this season tries to put the show back on track with the get to earth storyline and adds some other major reveals. One thing I will say is that the whole Lee Adama hates his Daddy borefest has come roaring back and it culminates in this episode. The constant burning of bridges on BSG gets really old. The concept of apocalyptic survival is so much more interesting than the continued dredging of interpersonal conflicts. I wish the creators had gone for that rather than the syrupy show we’ve got. But hopefully, BSG is getting back to basics. I saw a suggetion on RPG.net that maybe they're all cylons... that would make a lot of sense.
So one show (Rome) concludes it's run with a ending that you knew was coming, and the other (BSG) ends it’s season with surprising plot twits that you knew were coming to keep it interesting. Oh wait, I just thought of something, both of these programs depict struggles between the civilians and the military, with huge allegories to current geopolitical issues of our day. Now that sounds like and interesting topic for a blog post.

-Swinebread

Prince William not a Nancy Boy… Royal Heterosexual Shocker!

Apparently Prince William really does like the girls as this boob grab at a London club demonstrates. Contrary to the rumor that his romantic relationship with girlfriend, Kate Middleton, was merely a Hollywood style ruse to disguise his man loving desires, Prince William let his straight flag fly when he posed for a picture with 18yearold Brazilian, Ana Ferreira. She stated:

“I was a little bit drunk myself but felt something brush my breast. I thought it couldn’t be the future king — but now I’ve seen the picture it’s no wonder he has a smile on his face! He has big manly hands and certainly knows what to do with them.”

Looks like those man hands are strictly for girly grabbing after all. The British press (see here) has rightfully exposed William’s hidden frat boy behavior, as this gigantic secret could very well bring down the house of Windsor. What a scandal, Prince William isn’t quite the sensitive royal we thought he was. He likes to party with the ladies?! How shameful! Will the queen ever be able to live it down that her grandson is a raging heterosexual. Good thing there weren’t other significant stories going on in world so we could hear about important news like this. At least we now know that, Kate Middleton wasn’t going out with him for his money, it was his big manly hands!



-Swinebread

From Bagdad to Baghdad

Well, the crew from World Have Your Say blew into Portland’s Bagdad Theater after a wild show from Harlem the day before. You can read about the outrage and frustration expressed by the African American community from Harlem and Ros Atkins reaction here. That program set the stage for a lively discussion in mostly white Portland.

It was quite exciting to realize that folks from all over the world were hearing what was being said in this historic brewpub and movie house here in Portland. I’ve been in the Bagdad Theater many times, so it was quite a comfortable place for me and I assume other Portlanders to vent and express. The lame movie What the Bleep Do We Know has scenes filmed in the Bagdad, so if you really want to see what it looks like inside you can check out that film but I don’t vouch for the content.

After an orientation by Ros Atkins and April Baer (OPB) of what to expect and how to behave and also a practice run of about 20 minutes, the BBC broadcast live for about two hours. The conversation began with the rightness or wrongness of the UN talking to Sunni insurgents in Iraq. Most thought it was a good idea citing USA’s War of Independence as an example of insurgents, and also expressing the feeling that it is better then doing nothing. Some felt the UN should never negotiate, while a female caller thought it was totally pointless. Hassan from Baghdad called in and pointed out that the Insurgents were not terrorists, and that a dialog should occur. I was just amazed that I was sitting in the Bagdad Theater hearing a man in Baghdad respond to the opinions in Portland Oregon. There were also several slams on president Bush and huge cheers went up in the theater when asked if he should be impeached. Ros responded that only six people in the Cleveland audience raised their hands in favor of impeachment when asked the same question. HELLO CLEVELAND!

The conversation turned to racism and gentrification due to the angry discussion that occurred in Harlem. Most agreed that it still is a very real problem. A few expressed the old “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” argument while others countered that if you’re part of the privileged class then that’s a racist, arrogant argument. NY Oil who co-hosted yesterday’s show called in and was quite elegant in explaining what its like to be a black man in America citing rampant fear of the police, to system that keeps black folks from escaping poverty. He also had an interesting comment in a response to a question on African American history from a Portlander, NY said he could name all the Greek Gods but knew nothing about Africa. There was a white attorney in the theater that added that black lawyers have to be twice as good as the white lawyers to just get the same opportunities. As we were ending this section of the show I made a cheesy remark tying up the two topics by saying something like “I’m not surprised at their reaction (in Harlem), but I’d like to make a comment that I’d rather spend billions of dollars day in Harlem than on the War in Iraq or Halliburton.” to which huge cheers and clapping could be heard. Many interesting things were said, too many in fact to list here. The show finished up with a discussion of water issues, as the 22nd of March is world water day and the sad concept of people fighting over water like we fight over oil was mentioned.

All and all I had a great time. The Bagdad Theater was a wonderful venue and strangely enough Ros Atkins looked just like I thought he would after hearing his voice on the radio. The whole BBC crew was very professional and friendly and the topics were very interesting. I think World Have Your Say in Portland was a big success. After the program, in a question answer section, I mentioned to Ros that I hoped that the BBC folks would get a chance to visit some of our brewpubs. That garnered big laughs and Ros said it had been such a hectic week that he might need to go after he got some rest.

-Swinebread

A Lame Superhero for St. Patrick’s Day

Hey folks, remember Shamrock the "Irish” superhero (who wasn’t created by the Irish)? You don’t? That’s OK no one else does either. What was Marvel Comics thinking back in the 80s? Of course we know what they were thinking… Ireland needs a national superhero. Gah.

Taken from Marvel Universe Appendix entry

Molly Fitzgerald
Occupation: Hairdresser, adventurer, former schoolteacher
Identity/Class: Human (Irish), mystic
Base of Operations: Dublin, Ireland
Powers/Abilities: Shamrock is possessed by the souls of thousands of victims of wars. The souls manifest themselves as poltergeists that affect probability within a 20-foot radius of Shamrock, altering situations so that she is given an advantage ("good luck").

History: - When Molly was three years old, her father called out to the heavens to grant her brother Paddy the power to strike down his enemies, but there was no immediate result. In Molly's freshman year in college, she discovered that she had obtained a protective aura that altered probability around her. She became the costumed hero Shamrock.

-Shamrock was among the throng of heroes who celebrated the Hulk's presidential pardon after he had temporarily regained his intelligence, and remarked: "Tis easy being green!"

- Shamrock represented Ireland in the first Pan-European Conference on Super-Human Affairs, which was crashed by Brain Drain. Brain Drain attempted to mind-control Shamrock into killing Ireland's president, but her luck power made her immune to his powers. When Northstar of Alpha Flight arrived, expecting to find her under Brain Drain's control, they sat down for some tea instead.

- Molly slipped in the washroom and broke her left foot. Convinced that her luck had run out, she retired the Shamrock identity and devoted herself to her career as a hairdresser.

- Molly's reputation as "the most sought-after hairdresser in all of Europe" brought her Shadowcat and Wolfsbane of Excalibur as clients.

Completely silly huh. At least Molly never seemed to take her role as a superhero too seriously, how could she, nobody else did. Oh, and I guess she isn't so bad when compared with all dumb things Marvel Comics is doing now. Thank heavens that Shamrock was allowed to simply retire and was not raped or murdered like all the other second tier heroes. Maybe she does have a little of that luck left after all.

Be green and have a Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

-Swinebread

Ark II… the Safe Apocalypse

I’ve often wondered where my fascination with the post apocalyptic genre began. For a longest time I just figured that it must have been Planet of the Apes with a little bit of Ralph Bakshi’s Wizards thrown in. But I’d always had this vague recollection of the Saturday morning 70’s show Ark II. I was pretty young when I saw it, so I didn’t really remember much beyond the helpful characters driving around in a big RV and that civilization had been destroyed some how. Despite my love of the genre, I just couldn’t bring myself to buy the Ark II DVD collection when it was released in November 2006 based solely on foggy memories. You see, a lot of the 1970s kiddy stuff is really cheesy and not cheesy fun but cheesy bad. However after meeting Andy Mangles at the Portland Comic Book Convention, I decided to pick it up as Andy had expressed that the Ark II DVD project was a particular joy for him to work on.


Well, after delving into the DVDs, I’m glad to report that Ark II is cheesy good. This Filmation show is based on the premise that by 25th century pollution has destroyed the fertility of the earth and humans have been reduced to a Dark Ages level of subsistence. To bring hope to this shattered world, the few scientists left have pooled their knowledge into making a mobile laboratory, the RV-like Ark II. Yeah, it’s named after Noah’s Ark. Keeping with the biblical theme, the crew of the Ark II includes: Jonah, the white, bearded commander; Ruth the good-looking Asian; Samuel, the Latino boy-genius; and Adam, the talking chimp (a swipe at creationism no doubt). The multi-ethnic (multi-species) crew travels around on various missions to help primitive communities help themselves or overcome oppression. Additionally, the series also utilized a smaller vehicle called the ark rover and a Jet pack to assist the heroes on their missions. As Ark II is a kid’s show, the crew never uses lethal force and guns don’t appear.

Ark II is an interesting cross between a program crammed with tons of great sci-fi ideas and a kiddy show in which the creative folk are really pressed because of time and money. The visual look of the program is quite good from the spacey suits and vehicles of the Ark II crew to the dirty appearance of the survivors they encounter. The fact that the show was shot in the same place as Planet of the Apes instills the show with some visual apocalyptic validity. But often the dialog is stilted and the plotting is weak. It is a kind of time capsule of 1970s TV filmmaking, so many of the underwhelming aspects of the show are understandable if one looks at Ark II with that perspective. Strangely enough the “message” aspects of the show actually aren’t too heavy-handed. The overarching theme of the show is obviously environmentalism, but there are also lessons of friendship, non-violence, and co-operation. So if you’ve been looking for an apocalypse that is safe for the whole family Ark II is it. Also, its important to note that Andy Mangles’ group has done a superb job with the DVD content, as the documentary, menus and bonus features really multiply the value of the whole package.

Of course I can never be sure if Ark II alone got me interested in the post apocalyptic genre, that’s lost in the mists of the nuclear winter (yuk yuk) but it certainly is a piece of my childhood that I had nearly forgot. For a live action, 1970s kid’s show, Ark II is about the best it gets. It’s not a perfect show, but it really has a great concept that I believe kids would still enjoy especially the talking chimp and that jet pack. Plus, the diversity is a nice bonus, proving somebody was paying attention at Filmation. The mission of the crew of Ark II was to provide hope, something that was much needed in the 1970s and now for that matter, see the parallels? So, if you’re into sci-fi, want a stroll down memory lane or need a show for the kids, check out the DVD set of Ark II.

-Swinebread

World Have Your Say coming to Portland

The BBC radio program, World Have Your Say, is coming to Portland for two live broadcasts on March 22 and 23rd. They must really like Oregon to do two days worth of shows. Thursday's show will be at the gorgeous Bagdad Theater, a real nifty brewpub and Friday's will be at OPB's studio, the BBC's Oregon partner. Go here to find out the details. I'm trying to get a ticket for the Thursday show. Hopefully I’ll get in. If I do, I’ll post about it. Welcome to Oregon to our friends from across the pond and across the continent for that matter!

Captain America's death in the news

I found a vid that includes a CNN story about Cap I saw the other day. It was very well done... hat's off to Ali Velshi's reporting.
Joe Quesada's nonsense about the death having meaning is just hilarious. The meaning is clear: “let’s make lots of money.” Also, you’ll notice from the ABC piece that Quesada doesn’t even know what year cap was created. He is the head of Marvel! I think that speaks volumes. As for the Global piece they missed the mark. Come on! Cap is out of date, so yeah, we have to kill him. What…? Superman is older, remember “truth, justice in the American Way!” Maybe Cap needed an update but certainly not a death date. It sounds like Marvel is saying lets dump him like the Greatest Generation, as they have nothing to offer.


As I’ve said in another post, it’s not the fault of a fictional character if his or her storylines aren’t working, it’s the fault of the writers and editors.

On a political tangent Ari Emanuel notes in his column that maybe it was really Bush and Cheney that did in Cap America. He says:

So they killed Captain America. On paper he was offed by a sniper's bullet. But in reality it was the toxic state of Bush and Cheney's America. It's hard to be a star-spangled Super Soldier these days. Given the lip-service-only support this administration gives our troops, the patriotic hero would have to fight evil with a substandard red, white, and blue shield, and be stop-lossed into an endless tour of duty.

The only upside to the good Captain's death? If he had survived his wounds, he might have been sent to Walter Reed.

It appears that Marvel is doing Bush's dirty work, and they just don't see it. I guess Cap was just too quaint to be allowed to live, much like the Geneva Convention or our civil rights.

Stan Lee, Marvel's lead man in the 1960s said in this NPR story:

He represented everything that people in any side of the political spectrum find admirable. He was courageous, he was honest, he was loyal, he tried to always do the right thing. He had no prejudice; he was like a perfect human being.

Joe Simon, Cap's co-creator, is actually sitting shiva, a Jewish mourning ritual. He sums it better than anybody else "It's a hell of a time for him to go. We really need him now."

I couldn't agree more.



-Swinebread

Captain America & The Colbert Report

Well if you haven't heard the news by now let me tell yah, Marvel has pulled another boner and killed off Captain America. I think they just did it to make a few quick bucks. I always liked Cap; he's a good guy. He's like Marvel's Superman but he ain't got no powers that’s what I enjoyed about him. Folks will likely say this has deep meaning because the country has been torn apart by the war blah blah blah.. This is just a moneymaker folks, and just like Superman they'll bring him back. Not that I'm really following much marvel comics right now mind you but fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. Oh well, at least he went down trying to protect our superhuman civil liberties.

I just happened to catch the Colbert Report when he devoted his nightly segment ‘the word” to Cap. I enjoy how he pokes fun at folks for taking these things too seriously while letting his fanboy colors wave.

Access to this video will expire on 4/9/07 so I'll have come back with something to fix this post but until then enjoy.

Note: The date says 4/9/07, I was gonna transcribe Colbert’s talk but Comedy Central took the video down early, maybe for the Easter Weekend. Needless to say, it was really funny but now it’s gone and I’ve got nothing to replace it with. I’ll look around the Internet for written excerpts.

-Swinebread

Woman’s Wasteland Month

For Women’s History Month I was toying with several different topics like my favorite female characters or stories of all time, but that theme is just way too big and overlaps too many other future topics. So, since I’ve been itching to talk about more post-apocalyptic stuff and as this blog is called Atomic Romance; I decided to list my favorite Female Wanders of the Wasteland. It was hard to whittle this down but here goes:

Princess Ariel (not the mermaid) is powerful sorceress that fights evil wizards in the Post-Apocalyptic cartoon: Thundarr the Barbarian. This show only lasted two seasons from 1980- 1982, but it is my favorite animated TV show of all time, and Ariel is one of the reasons why. You see, she’s the brains of a trio of adventures that wander the planet, freeing the world from tyranny. Her companions, Thundarr, and Ookla, are a little dense, so she gives them plenty of guidance. Ariel has an almost encyclopedic knowledge of earth’s past and great magic powers that have saved her group on more than one occasion. Also, she added some nice diversity to Saturday mornings, as she’s not white, but an Asian/Indian. The show was never specific about her origins not that it matters. Princess Ariel is smart, has magic powers, and roams a mutated world gone mad, what’s not to love about her. (note: I used the toy pic as there weren't any other good pics on the web)


Nadine Cross, a haunted survivor of a devastating superflu that swept the world and the maddened mate of Randall Flagg, in the Stand. I found her character the most compelling in Stephen King’s book and Laura San Giacomo nailed the character with her portrayal of Nadine Cross in the Stand mini-series. Once in a great while (i.e. almost never) I read something and the image in my mind matches with the TV/Film interpretation. Nadine Cross is one of those rare occurrences. It’s eerie but then Nadine’s reality is one of loss, terror, madness and death, so how could I not be drawn to her. Just look at the picture, man! Scary and alluring all in one.

Stilletta: A post-nuke, cyberpunk bitch with an assassin’s skill and dangerous looks. She appeared in the short-lived Hex comic from the 1980s, which was hugely popular in Japan and Europe. When the western hero Jonah Hex was hurled through time to a horrific post-apocalyptic future, he finally met a woman who was his equal in dealing death and one who could sooth his tortured soul. Stilletta fought all kinds of mutants, cyborgs and road warriors while looking hot as hell during the Hex series. She was at home wandering the desert or fighting in an urban landscape proving she was hardcore the whole time. I wish the Hex comic series had lasted longer than 18 issues so we'd have more Stilletta, as I’d choose her over any man to help me survive the wastelands.

Jessica 6 from Logan’s Run. Yeah, she made a big impact on me as a kid. Her world was a safe protected place where every desire is met. There is just one catch though; you only get to live to be 30. Despite having the good life in a disco dome, Jessica knew something was wrong. Idling the days away with pleasure in an environment that looks like a shopping mall until you get blown up is not any kind of real existence. I like to think of Jessica 6 as a comment on vapid consumer culture and the rebellion against it. Better to force one’s way out into the unknown and discover a collapsed world than live a short groovy existence of banality. Plus, I liked the fact that Jessica 6 had a realistic body, like someone I could actually meet and she wanted to have kids. See people were grown in test tubes in the Disco Dome; blah give me Jessica 6’s way.


Dr. Alison Mann from Y the Last Man. It’s tough for her being half-Japanese and half-Chinese, but then add being a lesbian and “bam” she’s out the door. So out the door that she runs away to the U.S. and changes her name from Ayuko Matsumori to Alison Mann just to piss off her Japanese father. But things go from bad to worse when all the men in the world die from a plague (except one) and Dr. Mann thinks its all her fault because of her failed experiments with self-cloning. She dedicates herself to the saving the human race and tries really hard to not let all the nookie around distract her from her mission. She fails at that but she’s only human. With the help of the Yorick, the last man, and Agent 355, Dr. Alison Mann may yet save the world. A woman who loves women is trying to bring back men. No matter our sexual orientation Dr. Mann knows we all need each other.


Nova from Planet of the Apes: This goes with the duh category, what fanboy wouldn’t get hot under the collar seeing the gorgeous Nova roaming the wastelands. But Nova is more than just a curvy cavewoman; she’s the proof that the human race is worth saving. Her capacity for love and affection demonstrates that while humans have devolved into near animals they could come back. Plus she isn’t totally out of it as she chooses the smartest guy around as her mate that being the astronaut Taylor from the past, and as Commander Oefelein has shown, those astronauts sure got the right stuff if you know what I mean. Bringing the human race back didn’t quite work out since everybody ends up getting blown up in Beneath the Planet of the Apes but Nova represents how sad that really was. What’s extra cool is I met Linda Harrison, the actress who played Nova, a few years ago at a comic book convention.


Mother Sarah: usually when I think post-apocalyptic, I think mad Max or some such. But Mother Sarah breaks the mold in Katsuhiro Otomo’s The Legend of Mother Sarah. The earth has been devastated by ecological collapse. Most Humans had been living in space stations above the planet until a terrorist attack forces humanity back to the surface. Mother Sarah journeys the wastes looking for her children, which she was separated from during the evacuation. She brings nurturing and tenderness to the harsh world she finds herself in, but she has more than enough strength to defend herself. Just think of The Legend of Mother Sarah as the opposite of Fist of the North Star.


Jet Girl from Tank Girl. When I was younger I would have said the crazy wild tank girl was the one that would light my fire but as the years have gone by I realized that Jet Girl is the real ticket. She’s smart, attractive, and has a jetfighter to blow away the bad guys. Tank Girl is the kinda chick you fool around with while Jet Girl is the kind girl you marry. Plus I think I like Naomi Watts looks better with dark hair.


Princess Nausicaä from Hayao Miyazaki’s Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind. What can I say about this character from Studio Ghibli that hasn’t been said? She’s a great character from a great film. Princess Nausicaä lives in a post-apocalyptic world 1000 years after the great burn were most of the earth is enveloped in toxic fungi forests with horrid giant insects. As a thoughtful leader of her people she strives to tame the giant insects of the toxic forest and defend her home from aggressive neighbors, Nausicaä seems almost mythic in stature despite her youth and she is indeed inspired by two myths. One is the Japanese story of the "the princess who loved insects" and the other is the Bernard Evslin version of the odyssey's Nausicaa. The best thing is, if the animated movie doesn’t give you enough Princess Nausicaä, you can read her continued story in manga form, which was also created Miyazaki.

Rosa Winter: in a world were America’s economy has collapsed and the environment is in shambles, the United States finds itself geopolitically isolated for it’s past greed. Sergeant Rosa Winter, half Anglo half Mexican, navigates what’s left of her country while confronting Emanuel Santana, a Hopi Indian on a vision quest to kill the four monsters, and Rosa’s past lover. Rosa appeared throughout Timothy Truman’s Scout comic book series, which has recently been reprinted by Dynamite Entertainment. As an Army ranger she was my first visual experience of a woman in uniform trained for combat. Rosa also holds the distinction of being the first fully nude character that I ever saw in a comic book. It was presented in a flashback sequence when both her and Emanuel were young lovers and it was very tastefully done. The Scout comic blew my teenage mind and I realized that you could tell very adult stories in comics. I guess Rosa Winter was an important milestone on the road to manhood if you know what I mean.


Honorable Mention

Hannah Dundee: a pulp adventuress who fights dinosaurs in the Xenozoic Era

Axa: A porny heroine who finds her destiny outside the safely her domed city to become the ultimate barbarian woman of the wastelands

The Warrior Woman: She had no name but she kicked ass until she went down fighting in Mad Max 2: the Road Warrior

Helen from Waterworld, global warming never looked so dam good

Alice from Resident Evil: Looks like the third movie will give us that zombie apocalypse we’ve been looking for

Kidda proves she’s the best in The Blood of Heroes

Krysty Wroth: that Gaia worshiping redhead from the Deathlands books, which I haven’t read but I keep meaning to.

Tate from the Warrior series by Donald E. Mcquinn, tough as nails marine revived from suspended animation into a world reduced to tribalism.

Trinity: the best part of the Matrix, including the effects, plus she must really have superpowers to get real emotions out of Keanu Reeves



-Swinebread

Why I Blog or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Being Tagged by Selba

She done tagged me again boys and girls. As you can see here

So Here are the 5 Reasons I Blog

1. Disconnected: I felt like I was out of it and not participating in the wider culture. I wanted a presence on the web without going through the bother of creating a website. Hey, maybe I’ll be mentioned on MSNBC’s blogosphere segments… yeah right.

2. Unfiltered Expression: I was really into posting on message boards for a while but I got tired of folks jumping down each others throats to defend their relative positions. Although, this blog is dedicated to nonpolitical topics, I just wanna’ write funny stuff and articulate completely silly things without having to cite my sources or graph statistics.

3. Preserve Those Random Thoughts: I get tons of ideas that come and go quickly, especially about pop culture, that I think somebody might find entertaining or maybe even, dare I say it… informative. Fish Face is a very important concept you see…!

4. Keep My Brain from Turning to Mush: I can feel myself getting more and more stupid as the hours tick by. So maybe writing a few worlds down now and then will keep me from turning into a babbling moron. Sweep the cobwebs out so to speak.

5. Save the Universe from Ultimate Cosmic Evil: The first step in any attempt in battling the forces of darkness is to start a blog.

Unfortunately, I’ve got to share the love so I must now tag other bloggers. So Dean Wormer, Overdroid, Ladybug & Heidi Meeley, give us the 5 reasons you blog.

Tori Spelling... Fish Face

I was thinking about that Shadow over Innsmouth movie, titled Cthulhu mentioned in a post by snabulus a while ago, well I finally put 2 and 2 together. You see, I have always thought that Tori Spelling had a fish face, not that there is anything wrong with that. I’m huge fan of sushi mind you. But remember the jolly Dagon worshipers of Innsmouth have been boinking the original creatures of the black lagoon for generations. These horrific unions produce inbred children that look human at first, but slowly transform into grotesque fish folk over time. Brings new meaning to fish lover doesn’t it.


Now I wouldn’t want to cast aspersions on Tori’s genetic background or family traditions, she’s as rich as a Marsh so she’ll get over it. But I realized that having her in this film is a masterstroke. Her large unblinking eyes, her extended soggy lips, call you to worship great Cthulhu and his little buddy Dagon without saying a word at all. Sends shivers down your spine, doesn’t it? Although, I’m sure Tori is the nicest deepone hybrid you’ll ever meet. Now, if I could just locate that debauched spot off the coast of California where these Hollywood elites are copulating with humanoids from the deep that fancy TV royalty.

I probably won’t get around to seeing this film as I have better things to do like pull out my chest hair with clamshells but if you want to see the trailer her it is:


Hail Dagon... Hail Tori

-Swinebread

thanks to chaosium, the superficial and flynet