I thought this was a funny cartoon


-Swinebread

Kobe's Dream

-Swinebread

Beijing Olympics: Faking Scandal Over Chinese Goddess

The Chinese Gods have admitted to deceiving the public over another highlight of the Olympics: the Goddess of Compassion, who blessed the games, was not considered attractive enough to represent China.



The hotty with big knockers that was introduced to be Guan Yin, the ancient Goddess of Mercy, had become an international sensation after her nasty trysts with tourists and athletes of both sexes.

But Lei Gong, the Duke of Thunder, felt forced to set the record straight. He gave an interview, which said that the attractive deity that raised eyebrows and passions with her lusty ways was not Guan Yin at all, but rather Chuang-Mu, the Chinese Goddess of the Bed and Sexual Delights. The real Guan Yin was considered too motherly and not sexy enough to represent the Heavily host of China and was swapped out at the eleventh hour.

The Jade Emperor had no comment on the switch.



-Swinebread

A long time ago, kids were supposed to have a favorite football team. Now, I’ve never been into sports of any kind except for some mild enthusiasm for basketball and soccer (playing it, not watching it as it’s one of the most boring games in the world to watch) consequently, I was in big trouble in grade school. I got really tired of other kids pestering me about my lack of a favorite team, so figured I better pick one. As a kind of protest vote I decided to choose the lamest one I could find. Knowing nothing about Football at all, I asked around and got a few names from some the other kids. I studied the logos and decided that the design I liked the best was from some team called the Patriots.

Well, that choice was inspired because when I proudly told the other sports mongers that my favorite team was the Patriots; people looked at me like I was crazy and left me alone. But years later, a funny thing happened, the Patriots started wining games, and became quite popular. Instead of the usual “you’re crazy" look I’d get from folks, I started getting animated responses and engagement for long winded conversations about a team I knew nothing about and games I cared little for. When I couldn’t name any of the players, they would get suspicious and I’d end up having to explain why the patriots were my favorite team, because they “used to suck.” At that point of the conversation, I’d finally get the familiar “you’re Crazy” look.

Now all this sounds like a lot of work, so why don’t I just switch to a new team that sucks? There are two reasons: one, I’m old enough that folks can talk about other things besides Football, so I can steer the conversion to something else; and two, I’ve hardly ever stuck with something and seen it through, so why not stay with the Patriots.

So the Patriots are my favorite NFL team but not because they are any good. I don’t know the members, I don’t know any of their statistics and I don’t really give a rat's ass if they win today. They are my team because they were losers a long time ago and they had a dude in revolutionary costume on their helmets.


-Swinebread

Superheroes Just Got a Little Bit Cooler in Portland

Picture from the Portland Lumberjax via the Portland Tribune.

When you cross an über jock with an über geek the results can be rather stunning. In this Photo we have Dallas Eliuk, a lacrosse goalie for the Portland LumberJax, and his wife Daria O’Neil, a Rose City radio celebrity. The local non-daily paper, The Portland Tribune, wrote up an article about Eliuk for the sports section this last Friday (see article here), and man, is this guy a hardcore Batman fan or what? From the story:

The geekdom of Dallas Eliuk can be traced back to his childhood, watching Adam West play Batman on television and reading DC Comics about the Caped Crusader. Today, it’s displayed in Eliuk’s thousands of collectibles and his own alter ego… …Growing up in Vancouver, British Columbia, Eliuk says, “my first spoken word was ‘Batman.

What's most amazing is the fun, geeky relationship Eliuk has with his new wife.

Eliuk met his match in his new bride, Daria O’Neill, a radio personality with 105.1 “The Buzz.” As their relationship took off, Eliuk broached the subject of Batman – and Spiderman, since Eliuk isn’t naive enough to think that only one superhero saves the world. Sunday cartoons told him that.
Eliuk couldn’t believe that O’Neill loved comic books and superheroes, too. This sort of thing just doesn’t happen with women, he thought. It had been such a “big issue” with his ex-wife…
…The couple tied the knot New Year’s Eve at home, but O’Neill says a Batman-theme marriage celebration is planned for spring or summer. There will be heroes joining Batman on one side, and villains with leather-printed Catwoman on the other side. Guests will register by Batcomputer. No word on whether the couple will then take the Batplane on their Bathoneymoon.

I used to listen to Daria quite a lot a several years ago so it was a bit of a surprise to discover that she’s really into geeky comic stuff along with her husband. But the two of them sure make a great looking couple right? They made an appearance at the last Portland Comic Book show as Batman and Catwoman, but unfortunately I was in Japan. I love it when a good-looking folks let their freak flag fly. Maybe I can sneak into that wedding and snap a few pictures? Heh heh!