Cthulhu Caroling

Carol of the Old Ones
the first and the best!


It's beginning to look a lot like fish-men


The Cultist Song
Their latest



-Swinebread

Spare Me My Life

I’ve been waiting to post this one for a while, so I guess it’s time. I could explain it but it’s better if you just watch.

Eat Them Up Yum!

Where did my brain damage come from? Ah now I remember. It was during the very late 1970s and early 1980s. You see before MTV, folks were making all kinds of weird music videos and short films. These shows were just nuts. Some were good, some were bad, but there was little or no corporate influence at all. Artists could do whatever they wanted. Remember Devo? They’re a good example. This creative free-for-all continued for a short time when MTV first started up, they pretty much played any old weirdo thing (except videos by most nonwhites) because nobody cared, nobody looking for huge profits that is. I would guess that this golden age of music videos was from about 1979 to 1982 at the most.

Childhood friends ridiculed me during the first half of the eighties because I called music videos “clips” after the show Pop Clips, the forerunner to MTV. They played a lot of weird stuff too; just watch a Kim Carnes’ video, or better yet David Bowie’s Fashion. Talk about warping a young mind! The strange thing was how normal we thought it all was, and now, thanks to youtube, we can rediscover this strange tiny era before the goons had descended.

Well, there was quite a bit of wacko stuff. But the one that really takes the cake is Fish Heads. This short film was first broadcast on Saturday Night Live but was quickly picked up by MTV. The song was made by Barnes & Barnes and the project was directed by Bill Paxton. At the time, we thought it was an odd, funny little short. Watching it now, I realize this is one of the most subversive, mind crushingly, dangerous videos ever… and I viewed it as a child. Enjoy! …Oh, Also, you won’t be able to get the tune out of your head. Ahh ha ha ha



-Swinebread

Call of Cthulhu the Silent Movie

Two years ago at the H.P. Lovecraft Film Festival there was a lot of buzz in the air about a new independent film titled The Call of Cthulhu based on the original 1926 Lovecraft story. This weird horror tale has often been called unfilmable. Usually, the alien god’s name, Cthulhu, gets sprinkled into crappy to mediocre films for flavor but any serious depiction of him or the story he exists in was notably absent. Fans of Lovecraft’s style of horror have lamented the lack of good adaptations of his work and have had settle for merely Lovecraft inspired shows. Well, with the release of The Call of Cthulhu Film in 2005 a tipping point was reached and a threshold passed. The H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society (HPLHS), a media company dedicated adapting his works, presented their two-year effort. I found the project both entertaining and faithful.


What made the unfilmable story filmable was the HPLHS’s conceit of making a silent picture. Here the cast and crew would recreate The Call of Cthulhu as if it had been produced when the original story came out in the 1920s. This was a masterstroke of inspiration in my opinion. The black and white film approach solved many technical problems while evoking the time and space of the short story. Also, Lovecraft’s words didn’t become underwhelming with the delivery by actors but are enhanced with the use of text on the screen. Many places and effects needed in The Call of Cthulhu are created using models and film trickery of the silent era which makes the viewing much more authentic. A few folks have expressed disappointment with the monster Cthulhu in the film but I rather liked his depiction. To me, he looked like a representation of what makes him so awful, plus some bloated CG effect wouldn’t have worked either. In this case representational is better than realistic… how could somebody make Cthulhu, look realistic anyway.

At that film fest in October 2005, I vowed to pick up a copy of the film someday. Well, at the Emerald City Comic Con I did. I watched it again with much joy (and fright). If you are a Lovecraft fan this is the real deal. The Call of Chtulhu finally achieves the desire for a good movie adaptation of H. P. Lovecraft’s work.

Here’s the Trailer:


-Swinebread

Tori Spelling... Fish Face

I was thinking about that Shadow over Innsmouth movie, titled Cthulhu mentioned in a post by snabulus a while ago, well I finally put 2 and 2 together. You see, I have always thought that Tori Spelling had a fish face, not that there is anything wrong with that. I’m huge fan of sushi mind you. But remember the jolly Dagon worshipers of Innsmouth have been boinking the original creatures of the black lagoon for generations. These horrific unions produce inbred children that look human at first, but slowly transform into grotesque fish folk over time. Brings new meaning to fish lover doesn’t it.


Now I wouldn’t want to cast aspersions on Tori’s genetic background or family traditions, she’s as rich as a Marsh so she’ll get over it. But I realized that having her in this film is a masterstroke. Her large unblinking eyes, her extended soggy lips, call you to worship great Cthulhu and his little buddy Dagon without saying a word at all. Sends shivers down your spine, doesn’t it? Although, I’m sure Tori is the nicest deepone hybrid you’ll ever meet. Now, if I could just locate that debauched spot off the coast of California where these Hollywood elites are copulating with humanoids from the deep that fancy TV royalty.

I probably won’t get around to seeing this film as I have better things to do like pull out my chest hair with clamshells but if you want to see the trailer her it is:


Hail Dagon... Hail Tori

-Swinebread

thanks to chaosium, the superficial and flynet

Is he strong? Listen Bud, He's Got Radioactive... WHAT!?

Getting the story from Redhead Fangirl’s blog, Evidently Spider-Man’s baby batter is radioactive… Huh… …not only that, it gives Mary Jane cancer and kills her! Blagha...! I think I just failed my sanity roll. This is not a joke this is an actual storyline from Marvel in Spider-Man: Reign #3. Who in their right mind at Marvel Comics ever thought this was a good idea. Is Joe Quesada on crack…?! I feel, now more than ever, that the opinions I expressed about Marvel in a recent post are justified. Justified beyond what I could have ever conceived of. Here’s a quote, provided by galleycat, from the comic:

“The doctors didn't understand how it happened! How you had been poisoned by radioactivity! How your body slowly became riddled with cancer! I did. I was... I am filled with radioactive blood. And not just blood. Every fluid. Touching me... loving me... Loving me killed you!”

No more BJs from MJ… right Marvel. But you see, Spider-Man: Reign is set 35 years into Spider-Man's dark future, Manhattan is a police state, masks are illegal and blah blah blah… who cares. Marvel’s ‘creators’ certainly don’t. I could go on with my rant and rave but I think what Bahama'at said on this thread at rpg.net sums it up nicely:

”I am increasingly of the mind that the "business plan" for Marvel looks like a 35 year old man sitting in child's sandbox, making mud pies out of his own diarrheic feces while screaming "look at me! look at me! look at me!" with a look of desperation and hubris in his eyes.”

Superheroes giving their wives cancer from radioactive jisim is horrible storytelling and it shows only contempt by the current team for Spidey and his fans. You’d think that the folks at Marvel, whose jobs depend on Spider-Man remaining a viable property, would have said no to this one, but alas they did not. Well, I’m saying no. Good-bye Marvel. See ya again when you have folks who work there that actually give a rat’s ass about the Marvel Universe… but wait; I’ve almost totally abandoned Marvel already anyway. There’s nothing left for me to quit… except for… She-Hulk. Gah!

Well, OK maybe I’ll still get She-Hulk. It’s the last Marvel title that I’ll still buy, but if she starts killing her lovers with Gamma queffs I’m gone for good. Hey, maybe Spider-Man should have been boinking She-Hulk. She’s already radioactive.

“I wish I knew how to quit you Shulkie!”
-Swinebread

The best joke I've heard in a long time.

The radio was on at my workplace when a DJ said...

"How do you know an Astronaut is trying to kill you?

...They're wearing diapers!"

Needless to say I lost it... I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. I can't wait for the TV movie. That must have been some badass bonking by William Oefelein for Lisa Nowak to nuts and throw away her whole life like that! Here is a link it you need it. This bizarre love triangle meltdown sounds like perfect fodder for a blog titled Atomic Romance. YEE-HAHHH!




I just had to add this weird animation... more laughs... disturbing laughs... YEE-HAHHH!



-Swinebread